trust the love
"If you feel like you cannot move on from whatever you are going through at the moment, remember this:
Six months ago, or twelve months ago, or two years ago, you thought the same. You were in a position that threatened all that was hopeful within you; you did not think you would survive. But six months ago, or twelve months ago, or two years ago— you did. You did. You woke up in the morning. You pushed through the mess; you dug yourself out of the hurt. You held on to whatever light you found within your days; you pressed it into yourself whenever you could, reminding yourself that goodness still existed, that the softness was still there. Six months ago, or twelve months ago, or two years ago, you fought your way out of the dark. You have the strength to save yourself. You always have. Please don’t ever forget that."
- Bianca Sparacino
My cross country season has abruptly ended, one week before conference, due to a nerve injury in my right foot.
Injury happens to all of us; it is devastating but an integral part of the sport. After giving myself time to feel, I have tightened my grip and am ready to move forward. I am walking away with pride, knowing I am prioritizing my health, and I fully know in my heart that I did everything right this season. This is not a setback; my plans have changed, but I am still moving forward.
And I wouldn’t be half the athlete or person I am today if my plans never changed once in a while.
I found a way to articulate what I have been feeling and my perspective on dealing with injury – I hope it resonates with at least one of you <3
This sport challenges me like nothing else in the world. I ask so much of my body, I push her to the limits every single day. And she shows up for me, every single day. She showed up for me this season. I broke my personal records in the 4k, 5k and 6k, trained harder than I ever have, and raced with confidence for the first time in my life. I had faith in her; I believed; and she showed up, keeping me running through the best season of my life. And for that I am filled with pride.
If the process were that linear, the high moments would not be as valuable. The gratitude I feel, the love I have, and the joy I feel for this sport would not be as valuable. I use the love I have for running to fuel my workouts and races. To inspire me to give it my all, for my team and for myself. To remind me to trust the process. The real trust, however, is tested when my physical health is compromised by injury. Trusting my body when she is telling me she has had enough. How I trust letting go of the goals I haven’t achieved yet, and trust that my body will get me there eventually. Even if not now, she will get me there one day.
If I show up for her now, no matter how long it takes, she will show up for me again. And I trust her. Injury is not a reason to lose trust in my body. It is a reason to build a stronger trust, in the love I have for this sport.
Every time I have encountered a moment where I could see my world crumbling in front of me, it didn’t. The lows always hurt. It is hard; exhausting; physically and mentally painful. But I’ve been here before. With every injury I’ve had, no matter how long it takes, I always make it out the other side. The only way out is through.
Trust the love
<3 SF
